An Open Letter to Arjya

 

Dearest Arjya,

Happy 86th Month Birthday to You!

Eighty six months in this world means three hundred and seventy three weeks which means two thousand, six hundred and fifteen days!

 

Are you thinking that why mommy wrote me this letter on my 86th month birthday? What is the significance? Until today, there was not any significance of this day, but let’s make it a significant day. Together. What do you think?

 

It has been very long now that I wanted to write you a letter. First, I planned to keep a diary for you where I wanted to write down about our time together, about our relationship, about our bonding, about everything I feel about you….but then I thought it’s better if I keep the writing digitally. Everything is digital now, right? We can find everything in this rectangular shape screen like a magic. Is not that amazing? I think, it’s amazing how technology has advanced in last thirty years! In my absence, I hope you find me in this small magical rectangular shape screen, if there is any in your future!

 

Since you were born, the joy you brought into my life, I will always remain grateful to you for that. After today, even if something changes and you don’t love me anymore, the love you gave me in these eighty six months, will be enough for me to live another eighty six lives.

 

I still remember every second of the day you were born, I’ll always remember that even if I ever get dementia. You being on my chest for the first time….I really don’t know how to describe that moment!! In another piece of writing, I wrote that, “at that moment, heaven was right there in that room.” Of course, I don’t know how it feels to be in heaven but I being with you always feels like heaven!

 

You are a miracle child, you know that? Your two siblings didn’t make it to the world, but you did it. It doesn’t make them weak, but it somehow makes you strong. Saying that doesn’t make me disrespectful to them, but saying that tells you how thankful I am to you for choosing me as your mommy. When I was young, I always wanted to have six kids; half a dozen kids sounded like an accomplishment to me! Among those half a dozen, you are the one who made it to the world. You are a miracle and you are precious than anything.

 

Do you know, when you sleep I cuddle you more than when you are awake? Because now you tell me, “Mommyyyy! Let me go!! I can’t breath!!” Haha! I get it. You are growing up and you need space. But I am stuck in your black hair and smelly cheeks. Do you know that when you are busy reading a book or playing a video game, I stare at you like I am seeing you for the first time? You amazes me in everything. When did you grow up this much? You were always in front of me but I didn’t realize that you are not a baby anymore, you are a kid!! That’s what you tell me, right? “Mommy, I am not a baby anymore, I am a kid now.” How little you know that you will always be my baby. Do you know, when you read me something from a book or from your iPad, I can’t consume three fourth of the information? I mean, I listen to you, I listen to the sound of your talking and then start thinking when did he learn to read so clearly and fast? Hmm!

 

You are growing up as a strong, intelligent and witty human being. And I love you that way. You are kind and respectful to others. You are soft in your heart and a good listener. You are a sleepy head and you are good at math. I love your handwriting and your way of story writing. I love your love for the nature and animal worlds. Secretly, I cherish that you love dinosaurs and you keep some pet spiders!! 

 

But then….you are so unfocused, always. I am sorry for writing you this but you need to know your downsides too so that you can work on that. We all have goods and bads in us and I want you to know that’s okay! We make our strengths stronger and we work on our weaknesses. And that’s how we progress in life. But again, I love you with all your perfect imperfections.

 

If sometimes I am hard on you, then that is my weakness, my fear of seeing you being hurt. Everything I try to teach you….is the weakness of a mother’s heart. Seeing you suffering from any kind of pain, physical or emotional is my biggest fear. I am weak on you and I know that I won’t be able to consume that much fear. But again, pain is the thing that will shape you to a better human being. So, whenever you face any obstacles, challenge it. Sometimes it will be painful to win the challenge, but then it will build up to your strength and confidence. 

 

As you grow up, I hope you love yourself. Whatever it takes, I hope you like yourself, respect yourself for being you. When you will look at the past years of your life, I hope you feel you did the right things, you chose the best things for you. Be you and enjoy being you. You know yourself and know your purpose in this world.

 

Never give up on yourself. You are not born for giving up. Keep going. Whatever it takes, get up and keep going. Life is all about keep going. Make it your mantra. Your Taekwondo Institute has a poster hung on the wall “You win or you learn, you don’t loose.” How true is that Arjya! I hope you keep learning. That will be your biggest win.

 

Lastly, but not the least, I want you to know that, whatever happens, we, your Dad and I, will always love you. I know you understand this, but it is important to me that you feel that. It is important that you know your home is the safest place for you, you can always come to us and we will be there for you as long as our time is not up.

 

You have this one life. Live it and make a good use of it.

 

You are my kitty cat and my fierce dragon. You always will be. Stay safe and healthy.

Love

Mommy